| Tom Traubert's Blues (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did Got what I paid for now See ya tomorrow, hey Frank can I borrow A couple of bucks from you? To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me
I'm an innocent victim of a blinded alley
Now the dogs are barking and the taxi cab's parking |
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| Step Right Up (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Step right up, step right up, step right up Everyone's a winner, bargains galore That's right, you too can be the proud owner Of the quality goes in before the name goes on, yeah One tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales How 'bout perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring? Something for the little lady, something for the little lady Something for the little lady, hmm Three for a dollar We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you They come in all colours, one size fits all No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business Going out of business sale Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man Don't settle for less How do we do it? How do we do it? Volume, volume, turn up the volume Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate Don't be caught with your drawers down Don't be caught with your drawers down You can step right up, step right up That's right, it fillets, it chops, it dices, slices, Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens And it finds that slipper that's been at large Under the chaise lounge for several weeks And it plays a mean Rhythm Master It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up 'Cause it forges your signature If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product For complete refund of price of purchase Step right up Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it Swim in it, sleep in it, Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet Tired of being the life of the party? Change your shorts, change your life, change your life Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator See you later alligator And it steals your car It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend, and it's a companion And it's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion And it gets rid of your traveler's checks It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned Well it takes care of business, never needs winding, Never needs winding, never needs winding Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon 'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection It gives you an erection, it wins the election Why put up with painful corns any longer? It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it We need your business, we're going out of business We'll give you the business Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale Receive our free brochure, free brochure Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available Step right up, step right up, step right up You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up C'mon step right up (Get away from me kid, you bother me...) Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up C'mon and step right up |
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| Jitterbug Boy (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well, I'm a jitterbug boy by the shoe-shine Resting on my laurels and my Hardys too Life of Riley on a swing shift, gears follow my drift Once upon a time I was in show-biz too I seen the Brooklyn Dodgers playin at Ebbets Field Seen the Kentucky Derby too It's fast women, slow horses, I'm reliable sources And I'm holding up a lamp post if you want to know I seen the Wabash Cannonball, buddy, I've done it all Because I slept with the lions and Marilyn Monroe Had breakfast in the eye of a hurricane Fought Rocky Marciano, played Minnesota Fats Burned a hundred-dollar bills I eaten Mulligan stew, got drunk with Louis Armstrong What's that old song? I taught Mickey Mantle everything that he knows So you'll ask me what I'm doing here Holding up a lamp post, flipping this quarter Trying to make up my mind And if it's heads I'll go to Tennessee And tails I'll buy a drink If it lands on the edge I'll keep talking to you |
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| I Wish I Was In New Orleans (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well, I wish I was in New Orleans I can see it in my dreams Arm-in-arm down Burgundy A bottle and my friends and me Hoist up a few tall cool ones Play some pool and listen To that tenor saxophone calling me home And I can hear the band begin 'When the Saints Go Marching In' By the whiskers on my chin New Orleans, I'll be there I'll drink you under the table Be red nose go for walks The old haunts what I wants Is red beans and rice And wear the dress I like so well And meet me at the old saloon Make sure there's a Dixie moon New Orleans, I'll be there And deal the cards roll the dice If it ain't that ole Chuck E. Weiss And Clayborn Avenue me and you Sam Jones and all And I wish I was in New Orleans Cause I can see it in my dreams Arm-in-arm down Burgundy A bottle and my friends and me New Orleans, I'll be there |
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| The Piano Has Been Drinking (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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The piano has been drinking My necktie's asleep And the combo went back to New York The jukebox has to take a leak And the carpet needs a haircut And the spotlight looks like a prison break Cause the telephone's out of cigarettes And the balcony's on the make And the piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking And the menus are all freezing And the lightman's blind in one eye And he can't see out of the other And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid And he showed up with his mother And the piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking Cause the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler Cream puff casper milk toast And the owner is a mental midget With the I.Q. of a fencepost Cause the piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking And you can't find your waitress With a Geiger counter And she hates you and your friends And you just can't get served Without her And the box-office is drooling And the bar stools are on fire And the newspapers were fooling And the ash-trays have retired Cause the piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking The piano has been drinking Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me |
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| Invitation To The Blues (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well she's up against the register With an apron and a spatula With yesterday's deliveries And the tickets for the Bachelors She's a moving violation From her conk down to her shoes But it's just an invitation to the blues And you feel just like Cagney She looks like Rita Hayworth At the counter of the Schwab's drug store You wonder if she might be single She's a loner likes to mingle Got to be patient and pick up a clue She says howyougonnalikem Over medium or scrambled Cause anyway's the only way Be careful not to gamble On a guy with a suitcase And a ticket gettin out of here In a tired bus station In an old pair of shoes This ain't nothing but an Invitation to the blues But you can't take your eyes off her Get another cup of java And it's just the way she pours it for you Joking with the customers Mercy mercy Mr Percy There ain't nothin back in Jersey But a broken-down jalopy of a Man I left behind And a dream that I was chasin A battle with booze And an open invitation to the blues But she's had a sugar daddy And a candy apple Caddy And a bank account and everything Accustom to the finer things He probably left her for a socialite And he didn't love her 'cept at night And then he's drunk and never Even told her that he cared So they took the registration And the car-keys and her shoes And left her with an invitation To the blues 'Cause there's a Continental Trailways leaving Local bus tonight, good evening You can have my seat I'm stickin round here for a while Get me a room at the Squire The filling station's hiring And I can eat here every night What the hell have I got to lose Got a crazy sensation Go or stay and I've got to choose And I'll accept your invitation to the blues |
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| Pasties And A G-string (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Smelling like a brewery Looking like a tramp I ain't got a quarter Got a postage stamp Been five o'clock shadow boxing All around the town Talking with the old men Sleeping on the ground Bazanti bootin al zootin al hooting Al Cohn Sharin this apartment With a telephone pole And fish-net stockings Spike-heel shoes Strip tease, prick tease car kease blues And the porno floor show Live nude girls Dreamy and creamy And the brunette curls Chesty Morgan and a Watermelon Rose Raise my rent and take off All your clothes With the trench coats Magazines a bottle full of rum She's so good, it make A dead man cum, with Pasties and a g-string Beer and a shot Portland through a shot glass And a Buffalo squeeze Wrinkles and cherry And twinky and pinky And FeFe live from Gay Paree Fanfares rim shots Back stage who cares All this hot burlesque for me Cleavage, cleavage thighs and hips From the nape of her neck To the lip stick lips Chopped and channeled And lowered and louvered And a cheater slicks And baby moons She's hot and ready And creamy and sugared And the band is awful And so are the tunes Crawlin on her belly shakin like jelly And I'm getting harder than Chinese algebraziers and cheers From the compendium here Hey sweet heart they're yellin for more Squashing out your cigarette butts On the floor And I like Shelly You like Jane What was the girl with the snake skins name It's an early bird matinee Come back any day Getcha little sompin That cha can't get at home Getcha little sompin That cha can't get at home It's pasties and a g-string Beer and a shot Portland through a shot glass And a Buffalo squeeze Popcorn, front row Higher than a kite And I'll be back tomorrow night And I'll be back tomorrow night |
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| Bad Liver And A Broken Heart (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well I got a bad liver and a broken heart Yea I drunk me a river since you tore me apart And I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink And I wish you'd a known her We were quite a pair She was sharp as a razor And soft as a prayer So welcome to the continuing saga She was my better half And I was just a dog And so here am I slumped I been chippied I been chumped On my stool So buy this fool, some spirits and libations It's these railroad station bars With all these conductors and the porters And I'm all out of quarters And this epitaph is the aftermath Yea I choose my path Hey come on Cath, he's a lawyer He ain't the one for ya And no the moon ain't romantic It's intimidating as hell And some guy's trying to sell Me a watch And so I'll meet you at the Bottom of a bottle of Bargain Scotch I got me a bottle and a dream It's so maudlin it seems You can name your poison Go on ahead and make some noise I ain't sentimental This ain't a purchase it's a rental And it's purgatory, hey What's your story, well I don't even care Cause I got my own double-cross to bear Well I'll see your Red Label And I'll raise you one more And you can pour me a cab I just can't drink no more Cause it don't douse the flames That are started by dames It ain't like asbestos It don't do nothing but Rest us assured And substantiate the rumors That you've heard |
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| The One That Got Away (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well the jigolo's jumpin salty Ain't no trade out on the streets Half past the unlucky And the hawk's a front-row seat Dressed in full orquestration Stage door Johnnys got to pay And sent him home Talking bout the one that got away Could a been on easy street Could a been a wheel With irons in the fire And all them business deals But the last of the big-time losers Shouted before he drove away I'll be right back as soon as I crack The one that got away The ambulance drivers don't give a shit They just want to get off work And the short stop and the victim Already gone berserk And the shroud-tailor measures him For a deep-six holiday The stiff is froze, the case is closed On the one that got away Jim Crow's directing traffic With them cemetery blues With them peculiar looking trousers Them old Italian shoes And the he wooden kimona was all ready To drop in San Francisco Bay But he's mumbling something All about the one that got away Costello was the champion At the St. Moritz Hotel And the best this side of Fairfax Reliable sources tell But his reputation is at large And he's at Ben Frank's every day Waiting for the one that got away He's got a snake skin sportshirt And he looks like Vincent Price With a little piece of chicken And he's carving off a slice But someone tipped her off She'll be doing a Houdini now any day She shook his hustle And a Greyhound bus'll Take the one that got away Andre is at the piano behind the Ivar in the sewers With a buck a shot for pop tunes And a fin for guided tours He could of been in Casablanca He stood in line out there all day But now he's spilling whiskey And learning songs about the one that got away Well I've lost my equilibrium My car keys and my pride The tattoo parlor's warm And so I huddle there inside Then grinding of the buzz saw Whatchuwanthathingtosay I said, just don't misspell her name Buddy she's the one that got away |
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| Small Change (Got Rained On With His Own .38) (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Small change got rained on with his own .38 And nobody flinched down by the arcade And the marquise weren't weeping They went stark-raving mad And the cabbies were the only ones That really had it made And his cold trousers were twisted And the sirens high and shrill And crumpled in his fist was a five-dollar bill And the naked mannikins with their Cheshire grins And the raconteurs And roustabouts said buddy Come on in Cause, cause the dreams ain't broken down here now Now, they're walking with a limp Now that small change got rained on with his own .38 And nobody flinched down by the arcade And the burglar alarm's been disconnected And the newsmen start to rattle And the cops are tellin' jokes About some whore house in Seattle And the fire hydrants plead the 5th Amendment And the furniture's bargains galore But the blood is by the jukebox On an old linoleum floor And what a hot rain on 42nd Street And now the umbrellas ain't got a chance And the newsboy's a lunatic With stains on his pants Cause, cause small change got rained on with his own .38 And no one's gone over to close his eyes And there's a racing form in his pocket Circled "Blue Boots" in the 3rd And the cashier at the clothing store He didn't say a word as the Siren tears the night in half And someone lost his wallet Well it's surveillance of assailants If that's whatchawannacallit And the whores hike up their skirts And fish for drug-store prophylactics With their mouths cut just like Razor blades and their eyes are like stilettos And her radiator's steaming And her teeth are in a wreck Now she won't let you kiss her But what the hell do you expect And the Gypsies are tragic and if you Wanna to buy perfume, well They'll bark you down like Carneys... sell you Christmas cards in June But, but small change got rained on with his own .38 And his headstone's A gumball machine No more chewing gum Or baseball cards or overcoats or dreams and someone is hosing down the sidewalk and he's only in his teens Cause, cause small change got rained on with his own .38 And a fistful of dollars can't change that And someone copped his watch fob And someone got his ring And the newsboy got his porkpie Stetson hat And the tuberculosis old men At the Nelson wheeze and cough And someone will head south Until this whole thing cools off cause Small change got rained on with his own .38 Yea small change got rained on with his own .38 |
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| I Can't Wait To Get Off Work (And See My Baby On Montgomery Avenue) (Tom Waits 1976) | |
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Well I don't mind working Cause I used to be jerkin off Most of my time in the bars I've been a cabbie and a stock clerk And a soda fountain jock jerk And a manic mechanic on cars It's nice work if you can get it Now who the hell said it I got money to spend on my gal But the work never stops And I'll be busting my chops Working for Joe and Sal And I can't wait to get off work And see my baby She said she'd leave the porch lite On for me I'm disheveled I'm disdainful I'm distracted and it's painful But this job sweeping up here is Is gainfully employing me tonight Tom do this, Tom do that Tom, don't do that Count the cash, clean the oven Dump the trash oh your lovin Is a rare and a copasetic gift And I'm a moonlight watchmanic It's hard to be romantic (sweeping up over by the cigarette machine sweeping up over by the cigarette machine) I can't wait to get off work To see my baby She'll be waiting up with a magazine for me Clean the bathrooms, clean um good Oh your lovin I wish you would Come down here and sweepameoffmyfeet This broom'll have to be my baby If I hurry, I just might Get off before the dawns early light |
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